There are an alarming number of comments here from the past few years from people who seem to believe that I am (was?) Adam Lanza. Well, here you go. Here's your proof that I am, in fact, alive, and therefore, not Adam Lanza.
The timing of the final post is easily explained. The massacre happened, and it made me think about how the media overstates the frequency with which mass shootings occur in our world. Two days after the massacre, I made a blog post voicing my thoughts on the reality of mass shootings versus the media's depiction as something that occurs regularly enough that the average person needs to be constantly looking over their shoulder in fear.
The post was not part of some pre-massacre manifesto, but rather, a direct response to the media's portrayal of massacres in general. Of course it would be posted around the same date as a particular massacre that was highly topical at the time; it was a direct response to it, two days later.
The fact that it was the last post on the blog is a coincidence. There were later posts that I didn't like and subsequently deleted. It was not the actual, last post. I was also unaware that Adam Lanza even knew about antinatalism or Inmendham until two or three years ago.
This blog, as the title implies, was never about antinatalism. It was about analyzing ideas (memes in the original Dawkinsian sense of the word) on an individual basis, not in packages or coupled to "isms" or political parties, philosophical schools, and other groups. It was about taking ideas on a case-by-case basis to avoid groupthink and generalization. It was about taking the most fundamental approach possible to thought, and not about any particular topic. So gun control, resource-based economics, and transhumanism were just as valid as antinatalism as far as topics were concerned.
Ironically, I was pretty bad at following my own processes, and things like antinatalism were end results.
I was 23 when I started this blog. I'm now 38. The amount of time that has passed from the start of the blog until now is not far behind the amount of time between my birth and the start of the blog. That's how long ago I wrote all this stuff. I was barely an adult, more or less still a kid, especially mentally, with no real-world experience.
You can read about my renouncing antinatalism in the comments section of the previous post and my justifications for doing so, if you wish.
I decided to post this because it's a lot easier to find than a buried comment. This will stay at the top forever so that it's the first thing people see when they come here.
I could just delete the whole blog, I guess. Maybe I will do that, in fact. There's nothing but misery here, and as a person who no longer has any interest in perpetuating his own misery while in an Internet echo chamber, it's not exactly like keeping it up does anyone any good.
But then I think, for the < 10 people who stop by here and wonder where I went, there's something disturbing about the idea that some of these people are out there thinking my words were the words of a deranged mass child killer. So I'd rather repudiate that than leave it a mystery.
UPDATE: It has since come to my attention that there were audio recordings of Adam Lanza talking about reading my blog, and being a fan of it. As someone who no longer espouses any of the views posted here, I first want to say that this creeps me out to my core to the point of giving me shivers. It's one thing to be associated with a mass killer because of Internet detectives. It's another to find out that the mass killer was a fan of yours.
I can't even begin to express how messed up that is, especially because I was averaging maybe two or three comments per month back then, and only regularly corresponded with three or so people. This was always just a side outlet for me, and I always assumed that it had no larger cultural significance, because I wasn't catching the attention of something like the YouTube algorithm and generating tens of thousands of views. To know that a world-famous event that made headlines, especially one so disturbing and revolting to the core, could in any way be affiliated with my blog, and worse, inspired by it... I have no words.
Thank god I didn't find out around 2012-14 or near that general period of time, or I don't know if I would have been able to handle it. A lot of time has passed, but it doesn't change how disturbing this is to me.
Think about what you put out into the world carefully, people. You never know what kind of reach you might have. Your actions have consequences. Starting a blog or a YouTube channel isn't a game. I do fully acknowledge that the vast majority of antinatalists are not planning on committing murder, and many are probably great people. I'm not saying that the belief that we should stop having children for the sake of preventing suffering in the universe should be equated with murderous intent and horrific actions.
But for god's sake, think before you press the reply button, because even if you're right -- even if the point you're about to make is valid -- the overall impact that it has might be far worse than being wrong. Be kind to one another and try to step away from the computer screen (or phone screen) whenever you can.
A further update and response to this thread: https://columbinemassacre.forumotion.com/t10096-nobadmemes
I'm apparently unable to register on this forum to reply directly. Someone wanted to know about the sidebar links, particularly the "Say No to Reproduction" blog. This was not Adam's blog. I never had contact with him, or if I did, it was a random comment on my blog, and I would have had no way of knowing it was him back then. To my knowledge, I have never directly communicated with him.
This was just another one of my blogs. There were three: nobadmemes, saynotoreproduction, and leavingsocietybehind (hence the username). The first was to go over the foundational ideals behind the philosophy, and to slowly introduce particulars that flowed from that foundation (with antinatalism being just one particular). The second, saynotoreproduction, was specifically antinatalism-focused. And the third was a bizarre attempt by young 23-year-old me to gather people together to live on a desert island and abandon society (sounds almost as deranged as a mass shooting, I realize in my older age). Both of the other two blogs were deleted due to lack of comments or activity, and because maintaining three instead of one was too much work.
" I wanted to feel that childhood sense of joy again instead of obsess over being as logical as possible all the time. Is it really all that logical if it fixes nothing in the world and only makes you miserable? Basically, I wanted to be happy again. So one side of myself fought the other because I wanted it that badly."
ReplyDeleteWhat a ride it is to read this as an introduction to your blog
ReplyDeleteFor what it's worth I highly doubt that by that time in his life, reading your works on this blog had anything to do with influencing him to carry out the attack. Lanza's "philosophy" had roots far deeper and he had been an anti-natalist long before you created it. Maybe it's still unsettling that it may have lulled him deeper into an anti-natalism/nihilism hugbox but I very much doubt it, he was simply looking for anything he could use to justify his own belief set and happened to discover this page.
ReplyDeleteBeing a pro-natalist just because you feel like you want to be happy is the most selfish thing I've ever heard, great for you, hope you just know that you're a terrible human being and I hope you realize that again and again when your kids suffer in the future just because of YOU.
ReplyDeleteI didn't become a "pro-natalist" because I wanted to be happy. I stopped spending my entire life in antinatalist YouTube comments sections, blogs, and in unrelated troll-infested Internet communities that were consuming my life because I wanted to be happy. I can still see why someone might have a passing belief that having children is illogical because of suffering, but even if that's your stance, it's better to just take the stance, never have kids, and stay far away from the communities where people just endlessly reiterate the same talking points while doing nothing else all day.
DeleteOnce you realize what you believe makes sense, why spend any more time on it? You're not going to change the world. What purpose does talking about it for hours serve? It's a simple argument. So if I realize that having kids is bad, I realize that having kids is bad. That's it. In the same vein, once I realize that 2+2=4, I don't proceed to talk about that equation for hours every day while ignoring things like showering, eating, drinking, and sleeping.
Like I said in the previous entry's comments section, this is literally all I did all day. All day. Every day. If you don't believe in having kids, fine. I understand the points. But don't make four thousand videos about it while angry and depressed. At that point, you're in a cult that's genuinely ruining your life.
So we're talking about two separate things: a philosophy, and activism. The latter is a waste of time, will solve nothing, and will make you miserable.
I don't think, argue or talk about antinatalism and any other related school of thought, all day, I don't even participate actively in any community related to it, I am talking about the fact that you made this comment "but if it made sense to have a child in my life, I would welcome it." you should be able to separate idea from community, even if you don't like even a single antinatalist, that shouldn't affect your opinions on the topic, you claim "you grow out of antinatalism" when you got older, you cannot say you "didn't become a "pro-natalist" and then say "I might have kids one day" its great that you left the community, but its terrible that you left the idea too, and again, I hope you know that makes you a terrible human being.
DeleteIf something is morally wrong, it is wrong, no social norm changes that if your cousin had kids you should go at least mention that he is a bad human being for doing it to his face (assuming he is not part of "ignorant" section), would that make you a weirdo? Most likely but still doesn't change that he is literally a bad person. I don't hate you by any means I am just letting you know that you are a bad person, if you think it's okay to have children, I would say the same thing to your face (I don't mean anything violent here, or threating you), also I agree not everyone who has kids is terrible, some are ignorant and some are terrible, but you, you know and understand or at least understood antinatalism, yet you still think about possibility of having children this makes YOU a terrible human being I cannot say if your cousin is bad or ignorant, and I am not trying to be vulgar or nasty, I am just saying you're morally a bad person, I don't hate you, you just betrayed your own set of ideals, just for YOUR own comfort and "soul-searching" if you are actually going to "soul-search" do it without bringing another consciousness and advocate for antinatalism since, you may never know if one is ignorant or just a bad person, if they are ignorant maybe you are saving one "soul" from suffering.
ReplyDelete"if your cousin had kids you should go at least mention that he is a bad human being for doing it to his face"
DeleteThis is a ridiculous thing to say. I won't stoop to your level and say that you're a terrible person, but you are certainly a ridiculous person.
" I don't hate you by any means I am just letting you know that you are a bad person"
Thanks for letting me know!
"I am not trying to be vulgar or nasty, I am just saying you're morally a bad person"
Oh thank goodness you're only saying that I'm a bad person, and not trying to be nasty. That makes everything better.
"if they are ignorant maybe you are saving one "soul" from suffering."
God only knows how many billions of baby sea turtles and little birds are born every year. I'm not too worried if I fail to stop a random person from having a child. The universe is not my personal responsibility.
Instead of trying to analyze my personal statements about you (the ones where I say you're a bad person) just present some sort of argument that proves you're totally not selfish, but also a natalist but no, you have to literally just focus on the wrong part, and that's exactly why I keep saying you're literally a bad person, even if having kids is going to solve your suffering (which is not true since having kids is not some sort of magic) its still not worth creating another struggle.
DeleteAnd "ridiculous person"? Because you are actually scared to share your opinion on a topic because you don't want to lose someone, yes I am sure with the way you're acting your social life will be healthier than mine, but still you should know that if one day your kid asks you "Dad/Mom, why did you make me?" you should say "Oh, I was just try to find my soul so I decided to bring you here to just shoot my shot!" Same case with your cousin (again assuming he is not "ignorant") or anyone you know.
I'm not here to debate antinatalism, sorry. It's not worth the time. I already explained in the previous post's comments section what I think about the natural world and our role in it. I just wanted to reply to you to demonstrate how you're the perfect example of the kind of people that dwelling in an online echo chamber leads one to interacting with.
DeleteAre you actually serious? You want to spend a few hours going back and forth about antinatalism here in the comments? This is about Adam Lanza and how he discovered my blog. You want me to come back after thirteen years and spend the rest of my day repeating myself? I'm not going to debate with you. But don't act like I haven't explained my position. Go to the reddit thread or read the comments in the previous post if you want a somewhat thorough breakdown of where I stand on antinatalism.
do you have an archive of your former "leavesocietybehind" blog? i think it may be interesting to read cuz it sounds so bizzare
ReplyDeleteI actually do! It was really one post, because I guess I thought of it as more of an ad than an outlet for my thoughts, unlike this blog. This is the "ad" on the blog where I try to justify meeting strangers to live with on a desert island, hilarious as that probably sounds to sane people:
Delete[part 1]
Welcome to Leaving Society, an attempt by an alienated and unhappy individual to gather all those mindful, benevolent, and philosophically minded persons for the purpose of renouncing mainstream society for an autonomous, off-the-grid social project involving reorganization and education.
The way that I see it, the current human value system is untenable, as not only is it composed of terrible memes, (transmittable ideas capable of influencing humans and their cultures in a parasitic and viral manner), it is also predicated on a poorly defined methodology entirely lacking in any kind of meta-analysis of its scruples. Because of this, open, dynamic systems (everything is part of a system of some kind, so we should treat all of reality systematically) bereft of cognitive biases are practically unheard of outside of the scientific method, which is rigorously applied where it is applied at all, but is only ever used to ascertain trivial "facts" about the environment.
If we instead refrain from assuming or believing anything, for any reason, while applying a reasonably practical methodology to life -- and remaining mindful of opportunity cost -- not only will our social structures improve, we'll be much more receptive to new ideas in general, even if they attack the foundations of life and the universe itself. We must not only continually test and retest our ideas, but, where the data calls for it, adopt new stances, in the face of cognitive dissonance, with regard to the systemic processes which govern all of reality. Nothing, no matter how personal or "subjective," is somehow separate from these interconnected and deterministic processes, so where possible, achieving social consensus in the name of altering a proposed value equation should occur -- in this case, in favor of somehow benefiting the whole of sentient experience.
Defaulting to the senses, or proclaiming that they are reliable because your senses indicate as much, is circular logic. We must be pragmatic in our relative assessments of variables and values, all the while believing nothing, remaining humble, and renouncing any facet of any human society which is obviously archaic or unworkable, no matter how much it conflicts with our upbringings or assumptions to do so.
As of now, in the year 2011, all of my observations are pointing to the idea that the elimination of unpleasant or negative sensations, both mental and physical, is the most valuable pursuit; call this utilitarianism, pragmatism, or some combination, but I profess no beliefs whatsoever, and am merely interested in reforming society via education, meta-cognition/meta-education, and technical/systematic approaches. Logic seems to always trounce emotion, which, as an agent of the natural world, is the cause of strife, social division, hierarchy, religion, prejudice/preference, and just about every bad idea in existence. Nature itself appears to be emergent, lacking in a creator or designer, and is therefore not only uninterested in what humans value, but utterly incompetent; furthermore, it is nature which is solely responsible for irrational human emotions, attachments, and poor wiring -- and the bad ideas resultant therefrom.
[part 2]
DeleteIf, after reading the above, you think that you at least understand my contention with modern society and the natural order from which it originally sprang, then you may be interested in the blog entries that I will be posting here. My ultimate goal is to gather a small group, preferably ten to thirty people, for the purpose of leaving society outright in favor of an isolated environment currently devoid of human influences -- whether a desert island or some secluded portion of a national forest. While surviving in such an environment "off-the-grid," but with as much technology as would be permissible per the carrying capacity of our new home, we would ideally remain connected in some way to the outside world, maintaining blogs, vlogs, or writing books in an effort to transform society for the better.
For more information on the latter effort, a vague approximation of my views on a new societal direction can be found at: About the Venus Project
For more information on how I'm more or less positive that obtaining a real desert island is completely doable right now, email me at leavingsocietybehind@gmail.com, and we'll discuss the details.
The rest of this site will be dedicated to any thoughts of mine about reality and society, including more information on the desert island project -- which, again, is entirely feasible at this very moment, and is not underway only because I lack the funds and social support. If you'd love to leave society for a real paradise island, and are interested in the above concepts, please stick around. Feel free to email me at any time for any reason whatsoever.
Something else worth understanding about the desert island idea: All of my life, I have been the recipient of intense, difficult to describe emotions which seem to have the capacity to "label" the external world around me, via some sense of familiarity -- like deja vu, but different. These feelings practically radiate from any kind of sensory data -- whether the lighting of a room, a powerful piece of music, or a familiar smell -- and are responsible for some of the most memorable experiences of my life. For now, and throughout the rest of this website, I will refer to these feelings as "atmospheres," as in, "The atmosphere of this place is awe-inspiring."
Preferably, if I were to actually have the means to live on a desert island with good friends, I'd pick an island with an incredible atmosphere about it, combining all of my favorite summer vacation memories with new and exciting feelings of isolation and massive distance; I'd also hope that anyone willing to come along with me to such an island would bask in the intensity of its atmosphere just as much as I would. I do not pretend that such feelings are rational, but life itself is not predicated on anything rational, and suicide is notoriously unpleasant. I enjoy life, despite its risks and disasters; it's just that I'm aware that many animals and people do not, which is why I would like to help them to the best of my abilities. Remaining a part of society while working forty hours a week and putting up with social pretense and condescending presumptions is definitely not the way to be as productive as possible, given my goals and ideals. This is why I'd like to live in a relaxed, atmospheric, and overall more streamlined and efficient environment.
That's all that I have for now. Please click on the links at the top of the page for more information. Thank you.
Hi random question but do you suspect any comments from your previous old posts to have been possibly written by Adam?
ReplyDeleteSomeone on reddit asked me to check for comments left by CulturalPhilistine, and there were none. He could have used a different handle or remained anonymous, but I didn't find anything like that from the months leading up to the shooting. He could have left comments on older posts, though. I couldn't find anything conclusive. I think he probably just skimmed it a few times and was mostly angry about someone commenting on my blog seeming to be the same person leaving critical comments on his YouTube channel.
Delete