So I felt like making a list of things the average person cares about. I think it's pretty all-encompassing, but I'm sure I've left some important things out. These are great examples of why we need to reform the human value system as soon as possible.
Note: None of these applies to me -- at least, not intentionally; I like to think that they're a quick composite of the current state of society, and not targeting any group or person in particular.
I hope he doesn't know that I'm a virgin.
I better get a free sandwich because of this. This thing has no toppings!
What do you expect? He's a liberal.
What do you expect? He's a conservative.
Why didn't he thank me? That deserved a thank you.
No, I was the one who fixed it. Why don't you go ask so and so? He'll back me up. It was me, not the other guy! It was ME!
No, I was the one who helped you, remember? What has he ever done for you? Forget about him. I do things out of the kindness of my heart!
Jesus, how much do you think that guy weighs? He looks ridiculous.
Wow, look at that guy. I bet he has no friends.
Who did the dishes last? It isn't MY turn. It's HIS turn.
Did you hear about whatshername? Yeah, she broke up with her boyfriend yesterday!
Yeah? Well, at least I have a life!
What are you doing using that? That's MINE!
Public opinion is turning against my favorite pop star! Ugh, what can she do to be on top again?
You really think your favorite pop star is better than mine? Please! My favorite is WAY more real, and even writes her own songs.
Hey, I'm your FAN. No one cares more about what you do than the fans. We DESERVE something new NOW. Do you have any idea how long we've been waiting?
I know that he's controlling and a jerk to other people, but I can't help how I feel about him.
If I could just manage to talk to women and get a girlfriend, I wouldn't need anything else in life.
God, I'm so socially inept and ugly. I'm a total loser.
Our sports team won last night! We're the best!
I can't eat that. I'll get fat if I eat stuff like that.
I want a smaller nose. My life is pretty good, but if I could save up the money to get my nose fixed, I wouldn't have any worries.
That celebrity wears way too much makeup. I would NEVER look like that.
You don't have a Facebook? I didn't even know that that was POSSIBLE in this day and age.
Is this fifty percent off? Better get two, even though I don't even need one.
At least I don't drive an SUV. How much of the ozone layer do you think that guy is destroying with that thing?
My friend laughed at me yesterday for being awkward in front of his other friend. I feel really bad now, because I want him to like me.
I got a B on the final. Ugh, my GPA is going to suffer because of this.
Ew, you smoke? You ARE aware that that's going to kill you and make you stink, right?
Go a few more blocks and waste some more gas to get to the other gas station; gas is five cents cheaper there than it is here.
Did you just spill that all over MY rug?
You need to get out of the house more. This isn't good for your MENTAL HEALTH.
Only poor, fat people eat at this fast food chain. That one documentary told me that fast food's bad for your health, and it doesn't cost much, so I put two and two together.
Jeez, are you still not getting this? Sorry, but you are obviously wrong about your philosophical stance, here. Ever read a book by this guy? No? Didn't think so. Go read him; he'll change your life the way he changed mine. Maybe then, you'll understand things in as much depth as I do.
You're obviously a blahblahblah-ist. Ever considered blehblehbleh-ism? Because that's what I am.
Who are you to judge me? You know what? I don't care. I don't care what you or anyone else thinks about me.
Who are you to judge my favorite music artist? I'd like to see YOU make a hit album.
Hey, do whatever you want, as long as it doesn't break the golden rule or hurt anybody else.
Being sexy is important, but ONLY if you can do it without getting surgical enhancements. It's okay to spend tons of money on your appearance so long as it doesn't involve a knife.
Who are you to tell me that I can't have children? What if my future son turns out to be the next Einstein? You would have prevented the next EINSTEIN from coming into the world.
Wow, all you ever do is talk about the world's problems. How depressing! You need to either lighten up and have a little fun or kill yourself. You hate YOUR life, right? That's what you're saying, right?
Love can change the world. Love everyone unconditionally!
My life is meaningful because I am sexually liberated. Free your inner slut; you won't regret it!
Society would be so much better if we'd get rid of all of the corporations and show nature a little respect. Down with corruption! Up with sustainability!
You don't believe in aliens? Wow, talk about having a closed mind.
There are trillions of stars in the universe, so I KNOW for a FACT that aliens are out there.
We're supposed to live in a progressive society, but gays can't marry? Unbelievable.
I normally don't get so riled up about issues like this, but what can I say? This particular one is actually important to me, and is a big part of who I am.
You have a WHAT fetish? Man, you need to see a shrink.
I didn't know you liked THAT kind of music. It's not a big deal, I just never would have expected it from you, of all people.
HE didn't show up for work today? He's never a missed a day before. That's definitely not like him, the little goody goody!
He thinks that's a funny show? What, is he retarded or something? Then again, most people enjoy their low-brow humor...
I don't care if that's my responsibility. I deserve a BREAK right now, alright? Piss off.
He sleeps in until WHEN? Jesus, what a lazy guy.
Can you even spell? I'm not going to listen to anything you have to say if you type like that.
If I could only obtain the thing that I currently desire most, I wouldn't ever want anything else. I just need ONE MORE.
It's not cheating if it's online, right? I deserve affection.
I deserve respect.
I am entitled to anything I want, so long as it doesn't cause anyone physical pain. Well, maybe I deserve most of those things, too. I work hard!
I know that it wasn't my fault, but I still feel awful. Why did I do that? I regret it so much.
I can't stop thinking about that one particular event in my life that caused me and/or those around me some degree of discomfort. Screw the rest of the world; I HAVE to focus on this. It's a big deal!
I trust my senses, alright? You can keep on telling me what you THINK you heard me say, but I KNOW what I said. I'm not wrong. How could I be wrong about this?
What school do you go to? Oh...
Did you hear what happened on the news last night?
I know that what he did was wrong, but that doesn't give you any right to talk to him like that. He's a FAMILY member.
What happened to that country yesterday? Someone started bombing them? Yikes. Anyway, what else is on?