Monday, December 20, 2010

What does the average person care about?

So I felt like making a list of things the average person cares about. I think it's pretty all-encompassing, but I'm sure I've left some important things out. These are great examples of why we need to reform the human value system as soon as possible.

Note: None of these applies to me -- at least, not intentionally; I like to think that they're a quick composite of the current state of society, and not targeting any group or person in particular.

I hope he doesn't know that I'm a virgin.

I better get a free sandwich because of this. This thing has no toppings!

What do you expect? He's a liberal.

What do you expect? He's a conservative.

Why didn't he thank me? That deserved a thank you.

No, I was the one who fixed it. Why don't you go ask so and so? He'll back me up. It was me, not the other guy! It was ME! 

No, I was the one who helped you, remember? What has he ever done for you? Forget about him. I do things out of the kindness of my heart! 

Jesus, how much do you think that guy weighs? He looks ridiculous.

Wow, look at that guy. I bet he has no friends.

Who did the dishes last? It isn't MY turn. It's HIS turn.

Did you hear about whatshername? Yeah, she broke up with her boyfriend yesterday!

Yeah? Well, at least I have a life!

What are you doing using that? That's MINE!

Public opinion is turning against my favorite pop star! Ugh, what can she do to be on top again?

You really think your favorite pop star is better than mine? Please! My favorite is WAY more real, and even writes her own songs. 

Hey, I'm your FAN. No one cares more about what you do than the fans. We DESERVE something new NOW. Do you have any idea how long we've been waiting?

I know that he's controlling and a jerk to other people, but I can't help how I feel about him.

If I could just manage to talk to women and get a girlfriend, I wouldn't need anything else in life.

God, I'm so socially inept and ugly. I'm a total loser.

Our sports team won last night! We're the best!

I can't eat that. I'll get fat if I eat stuff like that.

I want a smaller nose. My life is pretty good, but if I could save up the money to get my nose fixed, I wouldn't have any worries.

That celebrity wears way too much makeup. I would NEVER look like that.

You don't have a Facebook? I didn't even know that that was POSSIBLE in this day and age.

Is this fifty percent off? Better get two, even though I don't even need one.

At least I don't drive an SUV. How much of the ozone layer do you think that guy is destroying with that thing?

My friend laughed at me yesterday for being awkward in front of his other friend. I feel really bad now, because I want him to like me.

I got a B on the final. Ugh, my GPA is going to suffer because of this.

Ew, you smoke? You ARE aware that that's going to kill you and make you stink, right?

Go a few more blocks and waste some more gas to get to the other gas station; gas is five cents cheaper there than it is here.

Did you just spill that all over MY rug?

You need to get out of the house more. This isn't good for your MENTAL HEALTH.

Only poor, fat people eat at this fast food chain. That one documentary told me that fast food's bad for your health, and it doesn't cost much, so I put two and two together.

Jeez, are you still not getting this? Sorry, but you are obviously wrong about your philosophical stance, here. Ever read a book by this guy? No? Didn't think so. Go read him; he'll change your life the way he changed mine. Maybe then, you'll understand things in as much depth as I do.

You're obviously a blahblahblah-ist. Ever considered blehblehbleh-ism? Because that's what I am.

Who are you to judge me? You know what? I don't care. I don't care what you or anyone else thinks about me.

Who are you to judge my favorite music artist? I'd like to see YOU make a hit album.

Hey, do whatever you want, as long as it doesn't break the golden rule or hurt anybody else.

Being sexy is important, but ONLY if you can do it without getting surgical enhancements. It's okay to spend tons of money on your appearance so long as it doesn't involve a knife.

Who are you to tell me that I can't have children? What if my future son turns out to be the next Einstein? You would have prevented the next EINSTEIN from coming into the world.

Wow, all you ever do is talk about the world's problems. How depressing! You need to either lighten up and have a little fun or kill yourself. You hate YOUR life, right? That's what you're saying, right?

Love can change the world. Love everyone unconditionally!

My life is meaningful because I am sexually liberated. Free your inner slut; you won't regret it!

Society would be so much better if we'd get rid of all of the corporations and show nature a little respect. Down with corruption! Up with sustainability!

You don't believe in aliens? Wow, talk about having a closed mind.

There are trillions of stars in the universe, so I KNOW for a FACT that aliens are out there.

We're supposed to live in a progressive society, but gays can't marry? Unbelievable.

I normally don't get so riled up about issues like this, but what can I say? This particular one is actually important to me, and is a big part of who I am.

You have a WHAT fetish? Man, you need to see a shrink.

I didn't know you liked THAT kind of music. It's not a big deal, I just never would have expected it from you, of all people.

HE didn't show up for work today? He's never a missed a day before. That's definitely not like him, the little goody goody!

He thinks that's a funny show? What, is he retarded or something? Then again, most people enjoy their low-brow humor...

I don't care if that's my responsibility. I deserve a BREAK right now, alright? Piss off.

He sleeps in until WHEN? Jesus, what a lazy guy.

Can you even spell? I'm not going to listen to anything you have to say if you type like that.

If I could only obtain the thing that I currently desire most, I wouldn't ever want anything else. I just need ONE MORE.

It's not cheating if it's online, right? I deserve affection.

I deserve respect.

I am entitled to anything I want, so long as it doesn't cause anyone physical pain. Well, maybe I deserve most of those things, too. I work hard!

I know that it wasn't my fault, but I still feel awful. Why did I do that? I regret it so much.

I can't stop thinking about that one particular event in my life that caused me and/or those around me some degree of discomfort. Screw the rest of the world; I HAVE to focus on this. It's a big deal!

I trust my senses, alright? You can keep on telling me what you THINK you heard me say, but I KNOW what I said. I'm not wrong. How could I be wrong about this?

What school do you go to? Oh...

Did you hear what happened on the news last night?

I know that what he did was wrong, but that doesn't give you any right to talk to him like that. He's a FAMILY member.

What happened to that country yesterday? Someone started bombing them? Yikes. Anyway, what else is on? 


  1. wow... that post is very good. It contains pretty much all of the stuff that normal human life in western societies rotate about. That´s gold, right there.

  2. Thanks for the comment.

    People care about vapid nonsense, because they can get away with ignoring the problems in their society, now. If only they'd focus the energy that it takes to care about this stuff on getting over their biases and talking to one another properly instead.

  3. It might be a bit pre-mature but I think I love you.

    For real.

    I know I'm guilty of some of these but a lot of it has to do with what happens when you do talk about something meaningful. You get:

    "Wow, all you ever do is talk about the world's problems. How depressing! You need to either lighten up and have a little fun or kill yourself. You hate YOUR life, right? That's what you're saying, right?"

    I wish I could tell them 'no, I don't hate MY life but I DO hate the suffering and unfairness it is based/dependent upon on'

    It's so nice to know that there other similar-minded young people out there who working on concrete alternatives to our current reality.

  4. Haha, thanks. And that one bugs me, too -- especially because it's so prevalent. The ironic thing about it is that many people who make that statement see themselves as progressive and "tolerant" when it comes to other issues. Within every time period lies a complacent populace who thinks that they've gotten everything figured out -- as they laugh at the errors of their ancestors -- but they're often prone to the exact same errors that were committed in the past, and have only prevented themselves from committing particular forms of the errors.

  5. I like how this starts as a parade of vaguely misogynistic naive liberal stereotypes and then transforms into everyone who has ever disagreed with you on anything ever.

  6. Once again, you fail to distinguish between "everyone who has ever disagreed with me" and "every idea that has ever seemed unreasonable to me." You know, not everyone thinks in terms of personal dramas.

  7. Seriously believing that average people think like this is a sign that your life experience is limited to high school and sitcoms, along with everyone that agrees with you.

  8. Considering that each of the above fabricated thoughts covers a different facet of society/psychology/general cognition, it's hilarious that you've managed to condense them all down into a single "thinking like this." Which of the hundred thoughts am I falsely associating with a particular subset of society? All of them?

    There are a hundred thoughts from which to pick for critique, and you're too lazy to pick a single one? You can't provide a single counterargument or scientifically demonstrate why things like superiority complexes, cognitive dissonance, narcissism, intellectual masturbation, and witch hunting are not prevalent social impediments?

    Jeez, just about every conceivable form of socially corrosive thinking was covered, so either the world is a utopia or you have secret knowledge of all the real problems out there. Someone better tell the king of Earth about you before it's too late...

  9. ...Or maybe I should speak in rhetoric only, so that I'm "on your level" and you can understand me:

    Seriously believing that not a single item from the posted list is an accurate reflection of modern values and thought is a sign that your life experience precludes shopping malls, traffic lights, call centers, bars, political rallies, and, most importantly but least likely to be the case, the Internet -- which lets us say what we're really thinking.


  10. The amount of smugness you're displaying here is amazing, considering you don't have the insight, empathy, or intelligence to back it up.

  11. You get what you give!

    Keep those one-liners and unfounded/irrelevant insights into my life experience coming. So far, you still haven't made a single counter point.

    I think you're just mad that I'm not angrily deleting all of your comments and am instead putting them on display.